Storytelling to Build Relationships

Every year at parent conferences, a handful of families comment that their children love how I tell stories about my husband and kids during class. They comment that often they feel like they know my family well since stories about them often come up at their dinner tables when my students recount something I told them during class. It is something that I do naturally because I love talking about my family.

When reading the article Leading From Within by Parker J. Palmer,  it reminded me of the fact that storytelling is a great way to create and build relational trust. As Palmer (2000) stated, the more we know about a person, the more connected we feel to them.   As a school leader, the practice of starting each staff meeting with updates and celebrations about people’s personal and professional lives is a great way to start building and developing the foundation of trust and storytelling in the work place. It also sets a good example that people could take back and use in their own classrooms.

As I reflect back on my teaching career, I now understand that the realization of the importance of building relationships is something that has developed as I have matured as a person. I cringe as I remember myself defiantly telling a seventh grader in Philadelphia “You do NOT have to like me, but you DO have to respect me!!!” As a young 22 year old, this seemed like the best way to get respect from a defiant teenager, demand it. However, 12 years later, I realize that if I had approached my relationship with that child differently from the start and worked on building a relationship through storytelling and understanding of his position, I might have had a different end of the year conversation with him than the one I recounted above.

The same is true about relationships between school leaders and building faculty and staff.  Teachers will work harder for a building principal that they like.  It is important to continuously work on establishing relational trust and building relationships throughout the school year using activities such as storytelling, celebrations, and connecting at a level that goes beyond the day-to-day classroom instruction.

In summary, one of the overarching themes that has woven through all of my courses in school leadership is the importance of building relationships and establishing trust in the work place. To me, the fact that this theme appeared in all of my class work, whether it was philosophy of leadership, human resources management, school finance or school law, only serves to further highlight its importance and necessity in the development of a successful and functional school building.

References

Palmer, Parker J. (2000). Leading from within. Let your life speak. San Francisco, CA: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.