Friday, March 16, 2018

Bullying vs. Meanness

“Bullying” is a word that is thrown around a lot in today’s society. Bullying is a serious problem
that can have long-lasting effects. Kids can feel deeply wounded by a peer’s horrible insults
or physical aggression. Parents often feel helpless when their children are faced with situations
of bullying.

The term bullying, however, is often used so casually that it leads to it being misused or

overused. In my role as elementary school principal, I often hear students and parents
labeling unkind or mean actions as bullying when in reality they might be isolated incidents
of meanness.


This is not to say that unkind acts should be ignored, or that bullying is a rite of passage
in childhood. True bullying is extremely serious and can have devastating consequences.  
Therefore, I would like to provide some information taken from “Psychology Today” to help
parents and kids identify and combat both unkind behaviors and bullying.


According to “Psychology Today”, bullying involves deliberate, aggressive acts targeting
a particular individual repeatedly, over time. When talking to kids at Kerby, I utilize this
definition to help students differentiate between meanness and bullying. I tell them that if
someone is being mean to them, that is unacceptable. However, if that person continues to
be mean, even after being called out, spoken to by adults, and asked to stop, that is
considered bullying.


It is important that kids are taught to differentiate between meanness and bullying so that
actual acts of bullying are not trivialized. Additionally, teaching students coping strategies to
deal with meanness will help them learn to manage conflicts independently as they get older.
True bullying, however, requires intervention from adults. Kids should be encouraged to
talk to a trusted adult about behaviors that they are experiencing so that the adult can help
them determine if it is truly bullying, then give them the tools to work through the situation.


Additionally, kids are quick to condemn meanness and bullying, but cannot often see those
behaviors in their own actions. Teaching kids to self-reflect on how they treat their peers is a
helpful way to encourage kindness. Asking them questions about how they were kind that day
at school or how they sought to include everyone when they played can help them develop
introspection about their own actions.